Gibberish.

How do you know if you believe in something? When I say that, I mean, something or someone like God or fate, or miracles. I have always struggled with my beliefs. I was raised Lutheran and Episcopalian and I still have NO clue what I believe. I don't know how people feel a "presence" in themselves. It doesn't make sense to me. And it frustrates me. I wish I had something or someone to give me peace. I want to be able to clear my mind of everything and tell myself that everything is ok. I love my life right now, but at the same time it is so incredibly difficult. I am almost 19 years old and I really want to just be on my own. I feel selfish for wanting that, but I just want to be out and independent. I'm looking at buying a new car. I need a car and I was just going to buy a used one. But I'm thinking I will go with something new. I am at the point in my life that I need to start understanding what growing up means. I have to learn how to budget my pay checks and learn to tell myself that I don't need everything that I buy. Like fast food. Thats another thing. I need to learn how to eat healthier and exercise more. I have gained so much weight in the last few months. And I am unhappy with my appearance. I think I can do it. It is just going to take a lot of discipline. I need some sort of guidance in my life that will bring me peace. A peace that I can feel and be fascinated by.

Something New.

I've never had a blog before, but I thought I would give it a try and see if I am more successful at keeping a blog than I am at keeping a journal. This is more of a journal than a blog, but I guess its the same idea. This really will be my thoughts on screen. My first thing I guess is that I HATE people who butt into your business and tell you that THEY know best because they're older. I have this woman at work who told me today that I need to break up with my boyfriend because of one mistake that he made. Granted it was a HUGE mistake that displaced quite a bit of my trust. But I am willing to give him chance to earn back my trust, which I am sure he will do. But this woman told me that I should do what she says because she's "a grown woman who knows whats right." I'm pretty sure I know what is best for me. Her telling me stuff like that just pisses me off. I've been in a relationship with this guy for a couple months now and he is amazing. He has made me the most happy that I have been in the last three years. And I am so grateful for that. I will not let anyone convince me to break up with him, because, although we have only been together a short couple months, I have already fallen in love with him. And that is that.