Gibberish.

How do you know if you believe in something? When I say that, I mean, something or someone like God or fate, or miracles. I have always struggled with my beliefs. I was raised Lutheran and Episcopalian and I still have NO clue what I believe. I don't know how people feel a "presence" in themselves. It doesn't make sense to me. And it frustrates me. I wish I had something or someone to give me peace. I want to be able to clear my mind of everything and tell myself that everything is ok. I love my life right now, but at the same time it is so incredibly difficult. I am almost 19 years old and I really want to just be on my own. I feel selfish for wanting that, but I just want to be out and independent. I'm looking at buying a new car. I need a car and I was just going to buy a used one. But I'm thinking I will go with something new. I am at the point in my life that I need to start understanding what growing up means. I have to learn how to budget my pay checks and learn to tell myself that I don't need everything that I buy. Like fast food. Thats another thing. I need to learn how to eat healthier and exercise more. I have gained so much weight in the last few months. And I am unhappy with my appearance. I think I can do it. It is just going to take a lot of discipline. I need some sort of guidance in my life that will bring me peace. A peace that I can feel and be fascinated by.